What NOT to Say to Your Co-Parent if You Want Peaceful Exchanges

(Simple Communication Shifts That Reduce Conflict Immediately)

Co-parenting is one of the hardest things people do after separation. Even when both parents love their children deeply, emotions, old wounds, and clashing communication styles can make every interaction feel heavy.

But here’s the part most people don’t realize:

**Peaceful co-parenting isn’t just about what you DO.

It’s also about what you DON’T say.**

A single phrase can either calm a situation…
or ignite an unnecessary argument.

Let’s talk about the statements that almost ALWAYS create conflict — and what to say instead to keep exchanges peaceful.

1. “You’re not doing it right.”

Even if your ex does things differently, criticizing them usually creates defensiveness.

Why it causes issues:
It attacks capability and invites an argument.

Better approach:
Keep your communication focused on the child, not the co-parent.

Try:
“Here’s what worked well for them this week…”

2. “That’s not what we agreed to.”

Even if it’s true, this statement sounds confrontational.

Why it causes issues:
It implies deception or disrespect, which instantly escalates things.

Better approach:
Stick to neutral reminders.

Try:
“Just a quick clarification — the schedule for this week is ___, correct?”

3. “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

This statement often appears when last-minute changes happen.

Why it causes issues:
It puts the other person on the defensive, even if the issue was innocent.

Better approach:
Address the solution, not the blame.

Try:
“Thanks for the update — here’s what I can do on my end.”

4. “You’re always late.”

Generalizations escalate conflict faster than anything.

Why it causes issues:
They turn one problem into every problem.

Better approach:
Be specific and calm.

Try:
“Today’s exchange ran late — can we both aim for ___ moving forward?”

5. “The kids don’t even want to go with you.”

This is one of the most damaging statements a co-parent can make.

Why it causes issues:
It places the child in the middle, fuels resentment, and harms co-parenting trust.

Better approach:
Give information without emotional commentary.

Try:
“They seemed tired/emotional today — just a heads up so it’s easier for you to plan.”

6. “My new partner thinks…”

Bringing a new partner into co-parenting conversations almost always causes unnecessary tension.

Why it causes issues:
It can feel disrespectful or provocative, even if that’s not the intent.

Better approach:
Keep communication between the two legal parents.

Try:
Stick to exchanges about the child only.

7. “I’m not doing that. End of discussion.”

Closing the door abruptly creates power struggles.

Why it causes issues:
It communicates that collaboration is impossible.

Better approach:
Use boundaries without being combative.

Try:
“I’m not able to agree to that, but here’s what I can do…”

8. “You need to…”

Most parents shut down instantly when they feel commanded.

Why it causes issues:
It sounds controlling or condescending.

Better approach:
Request rather than demand.

Try:
“Would you be willing to ___?”
or
“Can we talk about trying ___?”

Why These Phrases Matter

Co-parenting doesn’t require friendship.
It doesn’t require trust.
It doesn’t require matching personalities.

It requires communication that doesn’t create unnecessary conflict.

Because less conflict means:

• Happier children

• Easier exchanges

• More predictable schedules

• Fewer arguments

• Less emotional exhaustion

• A smoother parenting plan overall

The goal is not perfection — it’s peace.

And peace starts with small shifts in communication.

The Bottom Line

You can’t control how your co-parent communicates, but you can control:

• your tone,

• your phrasing,

• your boundaries,

• and the energy you bring to the conversation.

These small changes create a big difference in the long run — especially when the relationship is already strained.

Need Help Creating a Peaceful Parenting Plan?

I prepare Arizona parenting plans and modifications that include:

• Communication guidelines

• Exchange rules

• Holiday schedules

• Parallel parenting structures

• Decision-making terms

• Clear boundaries that reduce conflict

All done with compassion, clarity, and Arizona court compliance.